Finally things are on the Up and Up with Anhedonia! With TNPPress in it's own stable direction, where I don't have to man the boat alone as much anymore, I've finally had a chance to really sit and work hard not only on really strong conceptual art for this project! I've actually had an opportunity to start penciling in the first two pages of the comic this past week and am very please with where it is going artistically. I wont be giving any direct images of any of the pages (don't want to spoil the comic of course!), but now that things are moving, with 3 chapters (for the most part) written and the fact that production stages of art actually moving, i will be posting more often with better quality images. I hope to finally start giving everyone who is following this blog a better vision of the direction and style of this project too. Included with this post is a Desktop background Teaser for anyone who'd like to sport it on their computers while I'm actively working away to get the real thing going!

For now, i hope you enjoy the update and I'll see you back at Unconscious Ink [ui] until launch! [UI] will of course continue as scheduled, even when Anhedonia launches i will post new inklings weekly. Post may or may not decrease to once a week at that point though so that I don't get overloaded with TNP, UI and Anhedonia all at once!

Hands, Lips, movement; Three things that give me nightmares to think about relaying correctly on paper. It's interesting to see how lips can express so much emotion if drawn correctly, yet if you draw them even slightly wrong then the whole thing suddenly feels like a cartoon and you loose the effect of which you intended. This is inevitably going to play an important role with my characters due to the fact that when i envision them and their interaction between one another, even the slightest change in emotion due to what is said will play an important role in where the story is going. So it's super important to me that I will be able to reveal these things through that.

I guess I'll just lay it out there now. I am afraid that I will not be able to paint the picture from my mind directly to canvas without my current abilities getting in the way.

So what am i doing to get around this? Draw Draw Draw! Recently I got a copy of Poser 7 in hopes that i can use this as a supplementary tool to actually going to any life drawing classes for the time being. I'm hoping to have an update soon on how I am going about using it to help me draw my characters as well as a short tutorial on how to use it in the first place. I find that as an artist I have been learning something new everyday, and would love to show/help anyone else who probably is struggling on the same things I am. Anyway, I've only played with Poser for a little bit so far and it's already proving to be a tremendous help! My next update will more then likely be a Poser post.

Alright, I kept saying one day I was gonna come back to LiveJournal, it was just a matter of time till I'd wander my ass back over here. I was really busy these past few months with my move back to California from Seattle, getting my old job back, enrolling (god knows why) back at UCLA, and trying to just settle back into my old life. I was assuming I was gonna enjoy coming home and being around my old friends but the past week or so I've really been regretting my decision to come back to the LA area. I forgot how much I dislike the area, my routine, the way I feel around a lot of the people around here. I've pretty quickly realized that even though I did struggle in Seattle, I met some really awesome people who I'm really starting to miss, and... though I didn't love my jobs there, I was starting to make a good deal of money.

For all of you that don't know the story of why i came back from Seattle prematurely, here's a brief synopsis:

My dad retired back in October and did a lot of sitting around the house. He was really rather bored, though he started doing little projects around the house, he was still a business man who dedicated 30+ years of his life to a company where he was in charge and on a daily basis had to make decisions that could make or lose that company million dollar contracts. Of course, for my father’s health the decision was a great idea. I've never seen my dad smile, laugh and crack jokes the way he does now. He's even starting to lose weight and it's obvious that he's happier not working for that company anymore. This is all fine and dandy but he retired young, he’s only 58 and his mind wasn't ready to start slowing down yet. So, he picked up a job doing consulting for pretty much exactly what he's done that last thirty years. Now it's more like a hobby then a stressful career for him. Thing is, he got signed up to work 6 months in Florida! So he picked up and moved there in January.

In Seattle, I was starting to get really annoyed with my house mate. It had been 5 months and he still didn't have a job. Granted, I realize the economy in the state that it is that getting a job right now isn't easy... but I was letting the fact that I was holding two jobs just to survive cloud my judgment; I started judging him, when it was not my place to be doing so. This caused a few little tiffs between him and I here and there and I rarely wanted to bring food in the house cos I knew he was stacking on everything and that was making me really upset. Once our friend Sara moved in, things got a lot better, but then my dad approached me with the proposition of house sitting so my mom could join him in Florida; he's been with my mom for a really long time, and honest neither of them have friends either then each other...so to come home alone every night I thing was starting to get to him. I started looking at my situation in Seattle. I loved the city but started realizing that the city itself isn't everything. I was worried that by with Ian in the mindset I had, that I was potentially hurting our friendship. I was ridiculously tired everyday because I was working and/or at school 6 days a week. This allowed me only one day to relax.. but I wouldn't relax much those days either because I was refusing to let myself fall into the lazy rut I was in while I was in California. I'd make sure to paint or draw as much as I could, even if it was at the expense of having a life outside of work, school and art. I'm actually surprised I started getting close to people with how little I left the house, but of course most of my friendships started really getting stronger around the last month I was there. It took me a while to meet people.

Pretty much I summed it up to this: I'm broke, I hate working for Staples (my social work job was pretty sweet though), the classes I was in at UW weren't challenging me, I missed my friends, I missed my girlfriend and I didn't want to fuck up my friendship with my housemate. All valid enough I guess, especially since I didn't need to be struggling the way I was, it was completely self-inflicted. My parents gave me a chance to get out of it, and I just jumped on the opportunity. Unfortunately, the move back put me in a hole on top of the hole I already was in with money. I ran through approximately 8k, paying for rent, bills, and food expenses; I definitely wasn't expecting that. I made the mistake of renting out a pretty decent sized house with 3 bed rooms with one other person (we only got a second person in my last month). Rent alone devoured what was in my wallet on a monthly basis. When I got home, I had a huge bill for car insurance and I started getting used to my habits in Seattle; I ate out more than anything because I was always too tired to cook and it minimized the chance of the food was bringing home from getting eaten by not me.

Being home has essentially found a way to make me more stressed then I was when I was in Seattle. I now have to take on house hold responsibilities as well as collecting rent from my parent’s tenants and such. I'm finding that going back to UCLA was a bad idea, because just like when I enrolled the first time, I seem to try to find ways to mix things I like into things my parents find to be acceptable/respectable jobs. Design Communications in its own way was just me trying to mend together my previous psych degree with what I realized in Seattle that I truly have a passion for: Art.

So now what...

Here are my options:

1. I continue at UCLA and get the Design Communications Certificate.
2. I put together a sweet portfolio and apply for Art schools (which are extremely expensive)
3. I put together a similar portfolio and PRAY TO GOD I can get a job at an animation studio or somewhere where I can illustrate
4. I stop living in fantasy land and just keep on plowing through the Pysch Degrees

1. I hate design. I thought it was something I could potential like. I do enjoy making websites, but I only enjoy making sites for myself or my friends. When I'm told what to make coming up with some bullshit, writing code, learning the code I need to implement those ideas, dealing with the person not likely anything I'm doing.... it all becomes a tedious chore. I'd much rather work with mentally ill clients at that point.

2. This is the idea I'm toy with the most. I've drawn since I was something like 4 years old. The first thing i ever drew was either a ninja turtle, which I tried perfecting even then. I even started tracing back then just to learn how to draw line better and by the age of 12 I was able to copy (no tracing) pictures of Spawn with more patience then I could even image myself having. I even loved learning how to get better at art at that age! So, I've always been artistic... I shunned it away because a) I started writing music b) my parents never really cared for the fact that I drew c) I believed that I would never want to do it as a career.. it would lose its fun. We'll now that I've worked other jobs, the one thing I love more than anything is working on art, I love getting better, figuring things out, and making something! I'm just often self conscious that I'm not good enough.. but fuck that, I get better constantly and i will never be perfect. So overall this seems like the best choice. Predicament. My dad is retired. No more parental funding. So now I’m looking towards a future where I'm going to start in the work force with major debt... something I till now never considered. Worst part is, artist make jack shit!

3. So do I consider just ditching the school idea and just apply straight for the jobs? On top of insecurity about my work, here’s the cold reality. I don't have the skills that other artist who go through school have to jump into the work force and just producing professional grade work. I've learned several techniques that have sped up my work flow. The fact that I'm doing two unconscious inks a week show that alone... but I still am clueless as to how ink drawings start to become animations. Or let’s say I'd like to get into the graphic novel field or story boarding. I don't have a clue how to assemble sequential art! Looking back on my old Reeder Rabbit strips.. i started getting the hang of the basic flow of a page, how to guide a readers eyes though the art... but those comics were simple ended joke strips that ended in approximately 3-5 panels. I have no clue how to tell a complex story in a simple way. If I was asked to story board a concept for a company, I'd just be lost... most of the time I can visualize things like a movie, but actually getting down to showing that on paper, is little boxes... I'm stumped. I've been struggling with how to start Anhedonia because of this for months.

4. Frankly... at this point... not an option.

So 2 or 3 are my choices. 2 being my favorite because it gives me the opportunity to network, internship and spend a year or so really grinding and trying to get better.. I'm years behind at this point because of my break from art... but I'm fed up with things just being "sort of what I want" ...I'm not ready for option 4.

 

Hey everyone, I'm still here.. I've just been really busy finish up working on a project (Which ill post later this week), quiting my jobs, and preparing to move back to California. I've got a ton of updates for everyone so stay tuned. Till then, please leave me some messages telling me how you're all doing?

be back in a bit. -joenis

my friend  mrnihil  posted this on his blog first, but i had to share it will you all too.

ill post up a new ui and possibly this weeks reeder tomorrow after work. I had a really LONG LONG day today, which may be the case every wednesday till I'm done with this semester. Possibly considering posting tuesdays still for Reeder and Friday's for UI, any thoughts? Hope to see ya'll here tomorrow.

Quick heads up: I will be doing two kinds of post for a while.. I want to try to get featured on Spotlight on Livejournal, like Caroline who does Local Girl's Day in Pictures at TNP, so I'm gonna be doing Two kinds of posts. The first type of post will be like this: about my life, whats happening in Seattle, my thoughts etc but for friends only. The second will be Public Post of any of my art to try to gain traffic/readers for my art websites Unconscious Ink and Reeder Rabbit ; so i appoligize in advance that you who read my journal will be getting a double dose of posts.

Actual post:

Well after close to a month of sunny days, perfect 76 degree temperatures, and fluffy white clouds, we finally have the grey skies that  Seattle are known for. The past two days there hasn't even been an inch of blue in the sky, just one solid blanket of grey! Its wierd though because its still super bright out and it doesnt really feel depressing. The only think thats started to make me a bit sad is the way i have to live to survive. I've been reduced to eatting food out of the pan of which i cooked something because we dont have enough plates. Even though we now have forks (four of them) we still use chop stick... or knives or whatever we can find to eat our meals. My diet is primarily that of sodium filled shit like easy mac or cup o noodles.. i try to make veggies in somethign at least once a day though, but its hard because you need a pan or a plate for alot of veggie stuff. Other then the eatting i also got a parking ticket yesterday which adds up to about 3 weeks of groceries for me.. so... guess i have to continue eating like shit! 

Over all I'm still really glad i came out here, but I'm definately learning what i took for granted while having my parents pay for thing (even thing i didn't realize that took care of).

so i thought i'd try something new.. i'm overall into simplicity but because the whole web site is white it felt kind of blah. It needed a loose structure.. So here's an example of the new style you can look forward to seeing at my site:


I actually changed the whole website a bit.. so if ur interested come check it out. The new layout is now simplicity to the max. unconsciousink.com